Pre-Departure Pondering

I've had all semester to get used to the fact that I'm leaving. In all honesty I've had a countdown going in the back of my head since October. But it fails to escape me: the nagging, incessant surge of emotions that make me feel as if I've gone insane. Excited, thrilled, happy, to be escaping the numbing culture of my home country. Sad, lonely, depressed, to think of the time I will miss with my family and friends. I know it would be better to pick a happy medium, but I just can't quite seem to. My instinct tells me that my family and friends will be here when I get back, so I guess that helps.

In a way I've always had the urge to get out in the world and explore. I can remember a younger version of myself (in between energetic performances of musical numbers) wishing that she might travel the world, making friends along the way. Of course, that younger version was only slightly naive in her thinking - unable to perceive the multitude of languages, cultures, and predispositions that might raise impenetrable barriers to stand in her way. And, quite apart from her naivety, she couldn't quite make up her mind as to just what she would be doing during her travels - Veterinarian, Beautician, Musician, Pilot, President? Of the few things that my little girl self was sure of, she was sure that Beauty and the Beast held her mantra,

'I want adventure in the great wide somewhere,

I want it more than I can tell...

...and for once it might be grand, 

to have someone understand, 

I want so much more than they've got planned...'

Damn you, Disney, that movie will forever be my favorite.

I think that my younger self is scratching her way to the surface as I prepare, during these last four days, to take what I consider a pretty major leap of faith into the unknown. She's clawing at my insides (a nice visual), anticipating the excitement and adventure that will no doubt be borne of my travels. But I am no longer as naive as I was at that age: the age of innocence. That's the scary part. Now I am aware enough...no, intelligent enough (hah), to realize that life is not a fairy tale. There are real problems with this world we live in; real issues that need to be faced instead of being pushed under a rug to accumulate into a heap of hard-to-clean-up proverbial crap (please see the economy).

This makes it only slightly more difficult to get on the plane. But it does make it easier for me to decide what I will do while on my travels. With all of the trouble in the world, it is hard to sit by idly, doing nothing to help. So, I will write. I will write what I see, how I feel, what I think others should be aware of, or what I think that they might not be fully aware of. While I know I will probably not encounter many of the true evils of the world while studying in Italy and traveling throughout Europe, perhaps what I do encounter will shed light on things that sheltered Americans have yet to learn. The first step to solving a problem is making the population aware of it. Crushing naivety is my goal.

Kay, so I've got my goal for my blog. Don't worry, though, my inner self will definitely be chiming in from time to time. Just to keep it interesting, you know?

I have officially become nervous (maybe?) about my trip. As I said before, though, I am more of a pillow-case stuffed with a jumble of nonsensical emotions as opposed to any precise one. For my younger readers, I would refer to myself as a cluster-f**k of emotion, if you will....

The unknown - a.k.a. an eight hour flight to Frankfurt, Germany, and another hour flight to Florence, Italy - isn't quite an accurate label for my actual trip, I suppose, but it sure as hell seems accurate from where I'm standing. The mean over-thinking side of me is rearing her head (Apparently I have several different people hiding inside me. Take from this what you will.) and keeping me from being calm about leaving for six months.

What if I get there and find out that I can't handle this whole student/travel-writer gig I've arranged for myself? Heck, I don't even speak a lick of Italian! At any rate, I will be sure to keep you all (my readers) entertained. Feel free to live vicariously through me...even if for only some of the time (the fun bits, I'm sure).